Julia.

Yes... it is Monday, but this post is about events that have been coming to a head for about a week now.

Ya know what... I just got done writing 5 paragraphs about my exwife and roommate, but I deleted it. I'm going to talk about something really important to me, something that truly deserves my attention, my girlfriend... Julia.

Most people in my life consider me an asshole. For the most part, this title is well-deserved. But this blog isnt about me, its about the one who makes me want to be everything but an asshole. I met her over the Internet, I'll pause to let the laughing die down..... finished? good. Without delving into the whole romance, she has very quickly become the light of my life, and my reason for being. I'm not an angry person. It really takes a whole lot to get me angry to the point of me showing my anger, but when it gets to that point, you should probably walk away quickly. I've had a lot of things happen to me in the last year that have severely strained my coping skills with humanity in general. I found myself getting more and more aggressive. It was getting to the point that... I didnt even want to go out anymore, I was afraid of what might happen. Then I met Julia. Now... Julia is not like any of my other friends (with the exception of one or two online friends). Most people that I hang out with are very sarcastic, they pride themselves on their dry sense of humor, and their razor wit. But not Julia... she's sweet, caring, bashful, beautiful, intelligent... so many words come to mind, and god... how her eyes sparkle. Looking into her eyes is like falling into a dream, I get lost every time.

But, I digress. The more I talked to Julia... the more I wanted to tell her. This was strange for me, and a little bit scary. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a VERY private person, rarely do I let on what I'm thinking, and I hardly ever "discuss my feelings". This always came naturally to me, and I had no problem with it. But here I was telling this girl, whom I had just met, things about me that my own family didn't know about me. I felt perfectly fine with it... scary yes, but I always go with my gut... and it wasnt saying anything bad. I went to visit her in June for 6 days... aside from the daughters being born, that was one of greatest moments in my entire life.

I really don't think I can describe in words what Julia means to me, I don't think that my eloquence reaches that far, so I wont try. Nor do I think there is enough "virtual paper" here to hold all that would be necessary to adequately describe how much I love her.

Julia... I wake up everyday with you in my minds eye, and fall asleep wishing for the day that you were falling asleep next to me. In all that you do, and everything that you are.... you make me want to be a better person, for you. I love you with all my heart.